And today, my end-of-project vacation begins. I’m going to have the ENTIRE month of April off of work. :) I’m going to be visiting family and friends in Florida, Texas and Oklahoma for part of it, and the rest of the time will be spent here in my apartment churning away at art for fun, selling my possessions, reading and working out. It’s going to be a grand old time, and I’m pleased as punch that it’s possible!

Best of all, though, is that I’ll finally be able to have the time to move ahead with my divorce. Based on how painful and expensive THAT is proving to be, I’d have to strongly advise against ever getting married. Ever. Enjoy what you and your significant other have, love each other, share each other’s joy, but for pete’s sake, don’t bring the fucking law into it.

I managed to ignore my family’s frantic pleas to marry her before we moved in together, and those continued for years. I’m glad I ignored them, because the emotional and financial pain would have been exponentially worse if I’d listened. I just got stupid over time and completely blew it.

Admittedly, I may be a little biased, but it’s still sound advice.

On a less bitter note, I’ll try and update my blog at least twice a week as thoughts enter my head. It’s been a busy week… I’ve shipped 20 or 30 more books and sold around 100 DVDs. And I haven’t even begun to sell off my larger possessions yet. Joy! Can’t wait to see how that goes.

Ah, the promise the next month brings is delicious and splendid. I’m sitting here on my couch literally laughing out loud, I’m so excited. Can’t wait to start seeing some bare walls in here!

More to come soon, I’m sure.

I’ve had the most amazing weekend.

I have never been this productive in my life. Ever. At anything.

Fair warning, this is pretty self-indulgent, but I’m so happy at how much I pulled off in only two days that I just had to get it out there!

Since Saturday morning, I have done the following:

Well, I just did what’s either the smartest or dumbest thing of my life.

I just threw away half of everything I own.

Right into the trash.

Why?

Because I don’t need it.

What about the other half?

I’m selling most of it.

I’ve been on this huge kick lately of needing to feel independent of everything, even possessions. I hate to sound like a damn dirty hippie, but for some reason, it seems incredibly important to me to draw a line between that which I desire, and that which I need, and act accordingly.

In the absolutist sense, all I really NEED is food, water and shelter. I don’t want to go quite that far, but it’s interesting to accept that as fact, and feel so at ease with myself as to be nearly disconnected from all the desires I had that pulled me this way and that.

I was sick and tired of being surrounded with things I don’t need, and having little things drain my time, money and attention away from the things that mattered most.

So when my wife left me, I cancelled her health insurance, I cancelled AFLAC, I cancelled cable TV, started being PSYCHOTICALLY frugal with electricity usage, stopped eating out, stopped drinking soda, stopped drinking coffee, stopped drinking alcohol, stopped ingesting refined sugar, started eating only healthy fresh foods, started working out five days a week, started going to bed on time, cleaning my apartment, keeping things neat and tidy and uncluttered.

And I feel pretty damn awesome. But that was just the start!

I decided I had too many books lying around my apartment, so last night I signed up to be a seller in the Amazon.com Marketplace and put up 75 of my used books for sale. 12 have sold already in less than 24 hours.

Then I thought, why not sell my DVDs too? And all my excess furniture? Paintings on my wall? Old clothes? My extra TV? Newly-cleared bookshelves? My guitars? My air conditioners, window fans, swamp cooler? Unused dishes and silverware? Patio furniture? Old aquarium?

So that’s what I’m doing next. I’m selling my entire DVD collection. I’m going to sell almost everything I currently own unless I absolutely need it. For comfort’s sake, I’m keeping one TV, my laptop, my desktop that I will eventually upgrade, my surround sound system, my bed, and my couch. I’m considering selling off my dresser and computer desk, too.

I’m looking into ways of getting out of my current lease, as I’m paying nearly $1800 a month for an apartment by myself, which sucks. So I’m thinking of either taking on a roommate, or being a roommate somewhere else. Or just finding an acceptable but dirt cheap studio apartment to live in, to save on costs.

My goal is to have only one small room’s worth of possessions, spend as little as possible on sustaining my existence, socking away GOBS of money into savings and high-interest-bearing accounts, and to not pay for ANYTHING but rent, bills and food.

No new possessions, except perhaps a new PC, which is somewhat work-related anyway. Beyond that… what the hell do I need? Instead of throwing money at a problem or a need, couldn’t I be clever and find a way to do it for free?

See, it’s not that I need money, although money is cool. I just love the challenge of seeing how much useless crap I can get rid of, AND make money doing it, and live a HARDCORE, STREAMLINED EXISTENCE.

I used to look around and wish I had a nicer car, or cooler clothes, or more possessions… but ultimately, none of those things really matter to me. And now I drive around in my little 2003 Mitsubishi Lancer, and I’ll see a Mercedes or a Porsche scoot by, and I’ll just laugh out loud at how I’m traveling from point A to point B at a FRACTION of the cost that they are. It’s like a game, and I’m winning it.

Now that I’m single and don’t have the constraints previously imposed upon me, the sky is the limit. And this idea really excites me. I’ve talked to a LOT of people that wish they could do exactly the same thing I’m doing. But they’re either unwilling or unable to separate themselves from what they have because they’re spoiled, married, have kids, have a mortgage, or any combination of the above.

I don’t. I’m free. And I KNOW IT!

Am I crazy? I don’t really know. I’ll be honest, it’s entirely possible. After all, I’ve just been through the absolute worst 18 months of my life, and I survived, and emerged with a cool game under my belt and a life full of possibilities. Everything I’ve done so far feels GREAT, and I really feel deep down like I’m doing the right thing with my life right now, more than ever before.

Now to add another few dozen books for sale. Next stop: DVDs!

Well, Daxter’s been out for a week now, and it’s been reviewed many times by all publications, big and small. They’re all high 80s and low 90s, and gamers seem to absolutely LOVE the game. Awesome!

I’ve been keeping track of all the fan boards, reviews, magazines, etc, and it’s been a rush. Universal praise. A lot of people have been saying that it’s the best PSP game there is, which is a huge honor and a head rush.

So last weekI performed my usual ritual of going to a game store and looking at my game box last week… sat there for a good five minutes, holding it and just grinning like an idiot. Three of my characters are even on the box art!

What’s an even bigger trip is that Daxter has his own TV ad now. I might be mistaken but I believe official Sony policy was to not have commercials for individual games, preferring instead a montage of footage from different games, so they could better sell the system. Well, they seem to be making an exception for Daxter, who has his own 30-second solo commercial that’s airing on Fox during prime time, MTV, Comedy Central, Spike TV, VH1, G4, etc. Totally freaking insane. None of us have seen it yet, but we’ve heard reports from all over. What an honor!

It’s pretty wild to have a game out there that’s going over SO well. I just hope it sells well so I can make some damn money off of it. :)

That being said, GO BUY DAXTER!

More of my usual postings will be coming soon, just been busy with a lot of things. Such as getting started on RAD’s top secret next project…

The internet’s first Daxter review is online at IGN!

And we got a 9.0 out of 10! WOOOOOO!!

“It’s not just the simple return to skillful jumps and level navigation that makes the game so damn good and refreshing, though — it’s the overall design of almost every aspect of Daxter that puts it a tier above most everything else on the system. This is an extremely polished game through and through.”

and

“This is one tremendously great looking game, and its audio is certainly no slouch either. From a distance and on the PSP’s little display, the game mimics the look and feel of its console brethren extraordinarily well.”

and

“Daxter is simply an outstanding PSP game that brings back the old-school platform gaming the industry has been shying more and more away from. From the great level design to the ultra-refined controls to the excellent production values, Daxter is a game every PSP gamer should check out.”

Looks like that was an excruciating 16 months of my blood, sweat and tears ratherwell spent.

God damn I’m happy. It was worth it. :)

NOW GO BUY IT WEDNESDAY MARCH 15!

Just found out that Daxter is shipping a week early! Look out for it in stores on March 15! :)

Ah, it’s been a great few weeks. Daxter is gold and will be in stores in less than three weeks, and I’m getting my life back on track. I was in the mood to make some good decisions, so I gave up all alcohol, all soda, all coffee and all fast food, all of which were things I loved VERY much, and have actually invested thousands of dollars in over the last couple years.

I didn’t stop loving them… I still do. But I felt I was becoming too reliant on them, especially coffee, and I wanted to prove to myself that I don’t need anything. So I went cold turkey on all of them at the same time. I threw away or poured out every last trace of each of them that I had, and I’ve been clean for a couple weeks. It feels great!

The best part of all is that I got so caught up in the tide of good decisions, that I decided to start working out five days a week. To reverse my sedentary, miserable, pathetic lifestyle of the last 17 months.

I went into it full force… I threw out all my unhealthy food and spent hundreds of dollars on ALL fresh, delicious food. I put myself on a very strict diet that I used to use. I bought a dumbbell set and cobbled together enough makeshift exercise equipment to do everything I need to do inside my own apartment.

In the first 7 days of diet and exercise, I lost two inches on my waist and added half an inch to my biceps. I’m packing on muscle, I feel alive and full of energy all the time, I’ve never been in a better mood, and things kick ass. Most of all, I have a very deep satisfaction in myself now, knowing that I’m making a LOT of good decisions instead of holding myself back.

Which brings me to what I wanted to talk about tonight… I came to the shocking conclusion that I decide to fail every day.

Every. Single. Day.

And not the good kind of failure. The kind that keeps you from trying harder. The kind that prevents you from being successful. The kind that holds you back from what you really want.

Every time I tell myself my art is ‘good enough as it is’ I decide to fail. Every time I go for seconds at dinner, I decide to fail. Every time I’m lifting a weight and I feel weak, I decide to fail.

This happens all the time to everyone, and they don’t even realize it. And that’s what holds people back from being successful.

Everyone has an internal sense of their limitations. They think they know how far they can go, how much they can eat and be okay, how good their art can be, how fast they can run… everything. They have expectations of themselves that they rarely allow themselves to exceed.

This works on both a conscious and subconscious level. I read a fascinating statistic in Business 2.0 recently about risk management. When cars became decked out with safety features that were supposed to prevent accidents, people started causing totally new kinds of accidents so that the same average number of accidents occurred. How could that be? The safety features are there, people know about them and everything should be fine!

No one knew why this was, until they did a boatload of research and discovered an interesting psychological principle: People automatically regulate the average amount of risk in their lives, whether they realize it or not. When airbags were added to cars, people drove faster. When the safe metal railings were put on sharp curves on the road, people took the curves faster and less safely. They automatically drove a little less safely, because they’re USED to the same level of risk.

In other words, people that are used to sucking, keep on sucking. They’re used to the way that things usually feel, so their subconscious mind kicks in and does what it can to maintain complete homeostasis — non-change. Your brain FIGHTS change.

See, this applies directly to any endeavor… people have a deep well of subconscious expectations of their own performance. The trick is to learn to LISTEN to yourself very, very closely and hear the little voice inside you that tells you to give up.

I never noticed this until I was doing shoulder presses, which involves lifting a weight straight up into the air, then back down to my shoulders. Over and over. Once I hit the tenth rep, I thought to myself “God, I’m tired… 10 is enough.”

And I listened to myself, and I was so shocked that I almost dropped the weight. Did I just tell myself to give up instead of trying harder?!

I managed to pump out another 5 before my arms literally gave out and could lift no more. But I was completely blown away. I can push SO far past my own limits, that I never even knew what I could accomplish. The implications are UNBELIEVABLE!! I realized then that I did this all the time… all sorts of failings in life. Dashed opportunities. Do any of these sound familiar?

“I should really do this. I know I should. Oh well.”

“Wow, is it this late already? I should go to bed. Oh well.”

“Well, this painting looks a little better than my last one. Good enough.”

We all do it. The way to get past it is to consciously learn to listen for that little voice that makes the decision to fail instead of pushing onward, especially when you KNOW you should. There’s no time like the present to improve, push yourself harder and become great.

So listen for the voice, and take action by ignoring the hell out of it. Make hearing that voice a trigger to try harder. Every time you do it, you’ll respect yourself more, grow in confidence, take bolder steps and get BETTER. Better at anything you do! Who wouldn’t want to do that?

Take action!!!