Mountain Dew X Variant No. 516 + Power Pack

Today at work I got a mysterious package.

I wasn’t expecting anything, and the return address was from someplace in another state I’d never heard of.

I picked it up and was confused at how heavy it was. I shook it and it sounded like something metal clinking and sloshing against something else metal and sloshy.

Puzzled, I brought it back to my desk and looked at it for a long moment. Finally I took out my car keys, carefully sawed it open and inside lay a plain white box with no markings of any kind.

I began to open it. As the top of the box opened away from me, another box inside it suddenly jumped three inches out of the box toward me. I gently grasped it by the edges and sat it softly on the floor in front of me. I looked inside the first box and noticed a gigantic rubber band wrapped into the inside of the box, serving as a spring mechanism for shooting the inner box skyward.

I look back at the box that just made a valiant attempt to escape the confines of gravity, and this is what I saw:

This box is covered in shining silver and has nothing but a single white strip along the top of it with the words ‘MOUNTAIN DEW X VARIANT NO. 516′ printed on top.

“What the hell is this?” I thought, not remembering having signed up for anything. My curiosity now piqued, I opened up the smaller box and found this:

Six cans with a green ring on top. I took one out and examined it.

Across the front of the can was printed ‘TEST PRODUCT ONLY – NOT FOR RESALE – MOUNTAIN DEW X VARIANT NO. 516 + POWER PACK’. I noticed the can is larger than normal cans by a full two ounces. I turned it around.

Apparently the Power Pack includes Guarana, Ginseng, Taurine, Maltodextrin and D-Ribose. Ooooh how I love D-Ribose! Interestingly enough, being a huge fan of Red Bull and other energy drinks that are probably bad for me, I noticed that these are ingredients common in them. Except these are in a new Mountain Dew, in an even larger sized can than normal Mountain Dew. Interesting.

Being the kind of guy that eats random things sent to him through the mail by strangers, I pour myself a glass.

HOLY CRAP, IT’S FREAKIN’ GREEN! :D

It’s such a beautiful, offensively luminescent shade of green. The kind of green normally reserved for Granny Smith apples, dangerously radioactive materials and the Incredible Hulk. I like this, and I’ve always liked the dramatic colors Mountain Dew attempts with their drinks. Anyone remember Code Red or LiveWire?

Eager to consume something received from a stranger, I take a sip. It has that distinctive twangy taste of the stronger ingredients of Red Bull mixed with the smooth flavor of Mountain Dew with a bit of orange soda added for good measure.

It really tastes terrific, and I’d happily buy it if it were on the market. I really can’t wait to see this in stores! I’m going to go down the other 5 cans now and stay up all night. Keep an eye out for this one when it hits… it’s fantastic!