Ah, time for an update. Right now I’m in Nebraska working at 4D Rulers on a new unannounced game. I’m having a fucking blast! Drove up here by myself, first road trip I’ve made, and listened to The Odyssey all the way up. Enthralling audio book, really enjoyable, makes me want to read it and the Iliad to get the full literary effect.

Since I’ve gotten here, I’ve been busting ass all day. Learning the ins and outs of the new engine and the amazing technology it has (woop!), learning 3DSMAX R5, and learning and improving my art. It’s some seriously fun stuff, and I’m staying with some pretty cool people. At nights, I’ve been pumping iron with my boss, who’s an amateur bodybuilder. Been working the shit out of my chest, shoulders, back and triceps, and I’m sore as hell, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

It’s Wednesday now, and I leave on Saturday, which sucks because I’d like to be able to stay longer and get more, but on the other hand, I miss Dea (girlfriend, for the uninitiated) so much it fucking hurts.

Woo, gonna go out to dinner and rent a movie and chill out at home. Fun fun fun fun fun. More later.

Woop, starting to get excited about the trip I’m taking. Heading up to Nebraska this Sunday for a week of full-time work and training for this contract job I’ve got. Going to drive the whole way by myself, which is gonna be kinda weird since I’ve never driven anywhere farther than 30 minutes away. Fortunately the route should be pretty easy, but man, that’s gonna rock. I bought The Odyssey on Audio-CD to listen to while I drive. Should be six or seven hours each way, depending on how heinously I speed and what stops I make.

I’m still making preparations for what to do and what to take. Sort of… meaning, I started thinking about it today, two days in advance. Gotta get money, pack a lunch to eat on the way because I don’t want to stop anywhere, be sure to take my books and CDs, can’t forget my cell phone charger, must be certain to pack my collection of vibrating butt plugs, etc etc.

Should be a fun trip. I’ll be learning the new engine tech which requires much more involvement on my part, but the results will be a hundred times better than anything I’ve done before. Also, at night, I’m going to be doing some serious working out so I can kick ass and improve myself. :D I think it’s important to improve your body as well as your mind… aside from the practical benefits that it gives your brain more oxygen (original typo: “gives your oxygen more brain”) and such, but also the dramatic boost it gives one’s self-esteem and self-confidence. Even if the results take a while to achieve, there’s still such a rush from the effort itself, and the knowledge that you’re really TRYING to push yourself further and carve a better shape out of yourself. I like knowing that I’m really accomplishing something practical, doing something good for myself, and having fun while I’m doing it. It’s nothing but benefits, and the only thing it requires is time and patience, which I have.

Even more fun is that when I get back, the following weekend I’m planning a trip down to a good friend’s house to have fun, watch movies, play games and talk, which is something I really only do very rarely with people in person… like, REALLY TALK. I’ve been homeschooled my entire life and I’ve never really had many opportunities to find someone at least as intelligent as I am to actually sit down and talk to, and not feel like I’m having to dumb down what I say, as if talking to a child. Aside from my girlfriend, this guy the only person I can really communicate with on the same level. Everyone else I’ve met is just too fucking stupid.

Man, I love reading, and I’ve got so much I can do. I just ordered four books on Socrates (well, actually three, but one has Socrates in the title, and it’s about philosophy, so bleah), and I have Survivor and Invisible Monsters by Chuck “Fight Club” Palahniuk. I’m about halfway through survivor and I can’t put it down. In fact, I’m clutching it in one hand as I type this. It is practically epoxied to my armstumps.

So far it’s really enjoyable, very much in the spirit and tone of Fight Club. I think it’d make a really great movie, and I’d like to see Fincher do it of course. In fact, I remember having read that some studio or another bought the film rights to it already, which is great, because it’d be a very natural conversion from book to film if done properly. I’m only halfway through it so far and I’m kind of thinking that Kevin Spacey could do the lead role pretty well, but that could well change by the end of the book.

I also have a biography of Winston Churchill by Violet Bonham Carter, Baroness Asquith of Yarnbury, some famous English politician or another. The biography is really interesting so far, and I think that there’s a good chance that I’m developing an interest in reading about strong, successful people. I intend to become one myself so I guess that’s only natural. Still, it’s encouraging and exciting reading about their lives and accomplishments. :)

Also been watching a bit of movies lately. Yesterday I watched The Game and Donnie Brasco. I’m starting to really enjoy Michael Douglas’ work… I saw Falling Down last week and really liked it, and I also liked seeing him in Traffic, as well as this. I love his voice and demeanor… I think I’ll start watching more movies with him in it. Donnie Brasco was pretty good, though I didn’t commit my full attention to it so I’m sure I missed a lot of the subtleties. I realized too late that it’s the type of movie you really need to dedicate yourself to watching. That’s not to say that it was long or boring or anything, just that it’s not something you can really afford to have on in the background. More of an active participation is required for fuller appreciation, you might say.

I’m so fucking glad I have a job now. I hate the insecurity not having one brings. It’s cool that I’m making more money than before, having more fun than before, doing something I enjoy, from home. It affords me the ability to indulge in the things I enjoy most, like buying books and seeing movies and such. I’m planning on buying a Game Boy SP soon and a couple games for it to occupy myself. I’ve never had a Game Boy before and never really played on one, but I’ve always wanted to, and it looks like the time is now! I’m also going to trade in my Dreamcast and games to get a GameCube at some point in the near future. I see no point in getting a PS2 since my girlfriend already has one and we’re going to be moving in together at some point in the near future, and the X-Box is still too expensive for me, and doesn’t have enough compelling games for me. I’ll get one eventually, but right now the GameCube just looks a hell of a lot more interesting.

This is so weird, I’ll finally be able to allow myself the time to play games again. I never used to, because I always devoted all my spare time to either my girlfriend or to my work, because there’s always been a much greater need to work than play. ‘Work’ to me IS play, in a way. I like being good at what I do, and I love the challenges it sets before me, and I love the act of creation and interpretation. I enjoy that far more than playing Grand Theft Auto or Tomb Raider or some shit. It’s more of a release for me than games are. Now that I have a day job, though, I’m getting the fulfillment I need AND I’m getting paid for it, so now I can have the time to play games and actually enjoy the fruits of the industry I’m working in. It’s still just so fucking weird, though, I feel like I should feel almost guilty for not being productive (a powerful urge \ desire \ need in my life), but, I already was, so now I can cut loose and find new forms of enjoyment. :D

That’s all I have to say, really. Not sure why I felt like updating but it’s fun to write, and I know (hope?) my friends enjoy reading this, for a little slice of my brain and my thoughts. Hope you two enjoyed this! :P

Looking for a job sucks. So does the uprooted feeling of not knowing where you’re going, what’s going to happen or when they’ll happen. I’ve been applying for over a dozen jobs for weeks now and have only gotten five responses, four of them turning me down (three due to no positions being open) and one “We’re looking through applicants and will get back to you soon.” It’s weird trying to do things or commit to anything when there’s really no stability in your life, because you could end up moving to an entirely new state the following week. It’s bizarre, and uncomfortable. Particularly when there’s pressure on you to get the hell out.

I’ve been mentally preparing myself for months to move out and get a life started out on my own, and I’m just sitting here, ready and waiting for something to happen, but nothing is going anywhere. I feel like I’m moving backwards for all the progress I’m making. I’m doing everything I can to get a job, and investing so much time and effort and energy into it, and it’s like I’ve done nothing at all, except without the benefit of having had time to spend doing something else.

Sending off these job applications is like being stuck at the bottom of a deep well, vainly tossing rocks up towards the opening, hoping someone will notice and come get me out of here…

Trying to get this blog working. I made a big post earlier bitching about banks but something weird happened and it didn’t get posted.

Right now I’m trying to think about the name of a company that I’m going to form… strictly for myself, for tax purposes, to facilitate my .. let’s say ease of living as a contract artist. I’m trying to think of the types of words that inspire me, like ‘verve’ and ‘vitality’ and such. Things that make me think of progress, ability, intelligence and strength. :)

Guess that’s all for now since I don’t know if this is going to go up or not.